hmm.

apparently if you watch the discovery channel past 10:22 pm, it means that you are destined for an early demise and thus would be interested in a rather long commercial about the benefits of and laws regarding cremation. i just wanted to watch dirty jobs...

also, non-vassar-redhead, i just figured out the house/sherlock holmes connection. it's pretty mind blowing.

oops.

i walked into a wall again today... this appears to be becoming a trend...

the unfortunates of morse crunk.

it is strange to see an old lady and her son harmonizing in the trail mix aisle at whole foods.
it is disconcerting to be almost hit by a car in the parking lot of whole foods, twice.
it splendiferous to have 23.2 inches of snow outside.
it hurts when i move, my back hurts from shoveling.
it is wonderful to use a soft fluffy dog as a heater/pillow.
it is lonely to eat meatloaf by yourself. somehow meatloaf magnifies the lonely-osity.

reasons.

reasons that i shouldn't be permitted to travel alone:
-when people ask me where the subway is, i 2 out of 3 times will panic and run in the opposite direction, 1 out of 3 i will shriek "i don't know" and then run in the opposite direction
-i can't seem to figure out how to get through a subway turnstile with luggage and almost always end up hopping the damn thing
-subways are not my friend. as usually happens on buses, i smack people in the face with my backpack and generally attract the crazies who inhabit these bastions of transportation efficiency
-like with turnstiles, i have difficulties with revolving doors and generally end up getting stuck after smacking my head into the glass

conclusion: anyone wanna be my permanent travel buddy?

apologies apologies.

movies not to watch with your parents: basically anything with hugh grant because it seems rather likely that there will be a rather awkward sex scene, e.g. love actually and four weddings and a funeral

lull.

equations:

stupendously hot heater + ass on cushy bed + boring italian verbs + lullaby-esque vocalist singing about holding eyelids open = a dizzying cocoon of warm air and sleepy...not so good for finals...

hells yeah.

it's stickin bitches. thank you oh benevolent monkey gods.

bien sur.

this is me not writing another paper and hoping and hoping and hoping and hoping and hoping for snow. oh snow monkey gods that reside upon some snow covered hill crest of magic, grant my wish for frozen water crystals that will finally force my strange freckled roommate to wear shoes with toes. i beseech you.

explainer.

i know i've been not so good at writing recently and have already apologized and failed once. i just have no desire to post un-interesting boring details about stress in college life because to tell you the truth dear reader, my audience is essentially me scattered around campus or perhaps slightly farther to satellite campii of liberal arts school in other states. there is my fellow from ivy league school who reads when i instruct him to do so, but that's about it. and of course you, monsieur avec ton pipe.

speaking of my fellow, as i'm sure you know omniscient reader, i own far more ivy league swag than liberal arts school stuff. recently at hebrew school i was sporting one such t-shirt. a rather rambunctious little jock who i'm sure would have taunted and poked and mocked and elbowed me had i been his age asked if i went to said ivy league. i explained that no, in fact, my fellow went there. wee basketball player asked if fellow plays football. no. then what does he play? i looked at the little twerp and said, he's really smart, then i sauntered off. showed him.

beans.

are wonderful. and delicious. and tasty-mundo.

overheard.

"it's incumbent upon humanity" - person

tacino.

i've discovered that one of the accomplishments that i treasure most is introducing someone to a song that they like. not just like, but listen to on repeat, endlessly, until there ears are numb. it's wonderful. possibly better than baking cookies, maybe.

not.

this is me not writing my paper.

hungry.

it's come to my attention that i should no longer be allowed to carry cough drops around in my bag. as a hungry tired overworked sore eyeball sad college student, i sometimes am too busy to eat. unconsciously, it appears that i eat cough drops in class when i am hungry. this may or may not be healthy. i guess i've got extra vitamin c.

do it.

an ad popped up on my facebook today instructing me that "in order to get high you should inhale jesus". good to know i guess.

punch.

i got punched in the face today by coffee. majorly drop kicked. my caffeinated friend severely betrayed me.
1) i poured myself some crappy dining hall joe, taming it with sugar. how was my generosity returned? the damn shit exploded out of my hand and scalded me. scald. ow.
2) so, after my sad coffee fail of breakfast, i decided to get some better coffee that has a lid from the coffee stand. well, this soft and airy latte? i tried to drink it out of a hole in the lid that didn't exist. so of course the coffee spilled all down my front.

calculus was spent sucking the coffee out of my hair and shirt and holding my burnt burnt burnt fingers in a glass of seltzer.

sadly, i still have to drink it again tomorrow. shit.

a party worth having.

let's have a beatnik party
"every teen goes for a party that's off beat. you can have a beatnik party any time of the year, in any weather, anywhere, and it's way out."
"like cra-a-a-zy cool"

good idea right?

riding lessons.

for me.

i love these.

best.

favorite ad vs. reality ever. gets me every time.

sorry.

i've been spotty lately on posting, i know. sorry. it's my fault. or perhaps that of the chill or the lonely ceramic pig that eyes me down while i type. or maybe the music talking my brain out of moving. i haven't been writing as much, but i'm still collecting pictures. i'll try to at least post some pics when i'm on the lazy side.

also, lacrosse boys talking about "this writer whitman and 19th century shit" in the dining hall. proof that even jocks read.

reason to read credits.

always sunny in philadelphia names in the credits:
tyree dingle, keith orefice, lyndsey gayer, and eric budlong

wonderful.

musings on coupling.

some words for the wise:
"couples that dread lock together stay together"

also, loud freshmen doin' it upstairs makes for unsettling dreams.

b-room.

shit i find in the cubbies in our gender-neutral bathroom:
- a neurobiology textbook
- a bottle of german wine
- an ornamental wreath
- a dehumidifier
- toilets

strange stuff.

crapbrella.

rainy days are unfortunate here at liberal arts college. puddles morph into ponds which morph into lakes, until sad wet students find themselves paying a toll to be ferried to the library. the trees sit in their pools of blood, sad yellow leaves torn from their branches. it's generally miserable. but for me? it's even worse. my umbrella hates me. today par example, it opened taking a chunk of my finger with it. it then conspired with the wind in order to whack me in the head. it also entirely failed in its less than sincere endeavor to keep me dry.

in other news, warm showers make everything a little better. so do slippers.

funny shaped.

apparently my bangs are funny shaped because i ignore them.
just fyi.

yes.

this has been a wonderfully relaxing and completely (i mean in totality) unproductive (in terms of work) break. i have eaten, i have hugged, i have driven, i have snuggled, i have unpacked, i have been lazy. poop.

also, we received a small plastic clock that does a very loud imitation of a grandfather clock every half hour. yup. my mom apparently hid it somewhere undetectable. oh old houses and their nooks and crannies. needless to say, my dad has been wondering aimlessly around the house with a hammer. iduhwannagoback.

woof.

funny but not fun: being attacked by my dog for a stuffed animal
neither fun nor funny: sleeping with a slobber soaked stuffed animal
funny for you?

that i still sleep with a stuffed animal.

check.

i saw a billboard today shouting "lead is bad. get your kids tested!" is there something i should know about children that i don't? do they begin to ooze lead filaments at a certain age? are their snot bubbles lead induced? is this a valid excuse to quit teaching hebrew school?

duck tongue.

being alone in a big house can start to mess with your mind... or at least it brings out some of my weirder proclivities. for example, when i was little my mom showed me that towards the beginning of the end in the life of impatiens, they grow little green buds that pop when filled with seeds. well, i spent twenty minutes today wandering around the house and our garden popping said poppers. i've also been having rather long sessions of intense bouncing and hip wiggling to the bye bye birdie soundtrack. i highly recommend it. also, why would anyone eat duck tongue? and why would they tell me about it? also also, why do i think that all blogs are talking at me specifically? please enlighten me with any answers.

problems.

the issue with sitting home alone with no work in boxers dotted with dancing bears and a shirt from an ivy league engineering school ( i don't know any engineers...) and my feet being kept warm by lovely warm dog, is that i just sit and stare at the computer discovering things that really should have stayed a secret. i was perfectly happy lusting after jewelry that is hundreds of dollars, dreaming that someday i could afford them. however, i have made a very startling and upsetting discovery. this. why are they so pretty!? poop. oh well, $2 plastic rings from wings are fine... for now.

go.

i am home and home means a long stretch of rather busy road stuffed with buses and cars and trucks and buses and cars and occasionally people and more often than not trash. my street is a capillary of this long stretch, trodden into hard concrete from its soft grass underbelly of 300 years ago, leading down down to city hall. my street carries an occasional car and a few polyester clad, brisk paced pedestrians and some bicycles.

the big road though, the one about which you inquire, that one is speckled with a pattern up and down its sides: church, synagogue, church, dentist's office, church, synagogue, synagogue, etc.
today, 2/3 of the synagogues had large banners in hebrew yelling "go phillies". oh me oh my.

train.

today i heard the phrase "old money". it was funny. i was eating a bagel with lox at the time.

in other news, i am home. there is no snow here there are no hebrew school children there are no dining halls
there are episodes of ncis and food that didn't begin it's sad life in a plastic sack or can.

i've decided something... i rather dislike sitting at a train station and having a train speed by me. the screech and grind of the metal gets my ears in a twist and my shoulders get cranky and my toes become irrevocably upset.
it's awful. why can't they just stop and wave and be nice to me?

at least i get a corn beef special tomorrow. corny beef pink with tasty and wet cole slaw crunchy and soft russian dressing, tangy rye. so delicious and impossible to find in lame college towns.

warmth.

last night upon discovering a puffy cardboard box full of cold weather body ornaments, my roommate proceeded to wrap herself in seven scarves and a hat. each scarf had a story.

also, i heard someone on the phone today talking about how something was "swell". yay! i really want "swell" and "ought" to make comebacks. it's about time.

cold.

it is very cold. so cold that i have broken out my fuzzy slippers. they coddle my toes in times of chill so as to avoid frostbite. we had to shut the windows. it was disheartening. the trees appear to be falling apart; losing their hair.

enjoy some tunes.

hope you like.
vapours by islands is especially good.

apologies from michael caine.

sorry for the absence.
my caffeine regulating apparatus was in town. :)

also, i am reading a "choose your own adventure" book about bombs for my international politics class. it's weird to choose between different bombs and death and shit. kinda morbid. whatever happened to "turn to pg. x if you open the can of soda, turn to pg. z if you throw it at a lawn ornament"?

also also, i am very proud of myself for having read (in theory) the entire sunday times.

gahhhhhh.

so i wrote out a potential schematic for my major(s). i have 8 credits in major a. i need 12. how in the name of swiss cheese and studebakers did this happen?

in other news, coffee is a strange substance. when first plied with it by a mischievous young fellow, it had little affect other than that of a runny nose, flushed cheeks, and the occasional hiccup. however, at college, it is a wholly different story. sans fellow, i am left to my own devices regarding caffeine, no hansom regulator in sight. this means i drink coffee every day before class. usually this works out rather well; it keeps me warm, gives my hands something to hold onto other than my bike handle-bars, ensures that my nose is still working. today something went awry. after slowly and with a moderation unusual in my demeanor, is sipped my medium coffee in my first class. not five minutes after swallowing the last dregs, i was as jittery as a school girl left alone with some polly pockets and mountain of "pep". it was a disaster. i'm rather surprised that my professor didn't approach me after class to check my bag for illicits. what am i to do? this is bad. maybe some jay-z will help.

sometimes, again.

day.

lamentations.

today, gourmet the magazine was cancelled. what can be done but mourn this behemoth of taste, monster of ornamentation, staple of all that is yum?

a moment of silence.

did you know?

-there is a boy in my math class who wears either an apron decorated with airplanes and strawberries OR some bauble (a bow tie, necklace, etc.) made entirely out of legos and strung together on fishing line

-i had a terrifying experience in a cab in nyc, don't ask

-a certain ivy league school is recruiting me to join their cheerleading squad

-that same ivy league school has dorms that always smell suspiciously of hot dogs and ketchup and have very thin walls

-there was a monster sized cockroach in the bathroom twitching in my general direction

that's my update.