hmm.

for one of my classes i am supposed to have meditated 3 times this week while hold/caressing an object of importance to me.

i have not done this.
not once.

i am very much not into meditation. or sitting still. or not speaking.
maybe it's the 8+ years of weekly meeting for worship.

the worst part is i have to write a paper outlining my meditating experience. what did i learn about myself?

nothing. i learned nothing. i learned that i'm hungry.


this is going to be a crap paper.

elbows.

nothing warms the knuckles and knees like seeing a professor walk by in a tweed jacket with elbow patches and absolutely no irony and nearly bump into a student wearing practically the same jacket and same elbows, but with more irony then he knows what to do with. now if i can just watch in front of me while i ride my bike.


also.
why is it so cold!?

arkward.

today i woke up at 11 and then took a nap at 1:30.
today i rode a bike in a dress past a bunch of mothers and children and got weird looks.
today i bought something for 98 cents with a 10 dollar bill.
yesterday i did a little jig when someone told me they voted for me to be on the food committee at school.
yesterday a soap dispenser fell on my head me soap dispensing.


i have to write a paper about the book pride & prejudice & zombies.

bad.

i did really not so well on a math exam today.
unfortunate, i know.
"why did you take math?" *said in a snotty voice*
i don't know, okay?
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
besides, whenever i register for a class that sounds remotely fun, my dad makes a loaded comment "you want to take a film class? isn't that a little... light?" which is really to say "i'm paying for what?"

well, needless to say (due to my status as a full-fledged weenie) i cried immediately after leaving the exam.
and, again needless to say, there was a tour waiting outside for me and my patheticosity.

i ran hid a tree.
that is all. i'm over it now.

today.

vandals.

when most people "graffiti" they actually deface something.

when i "graffiti", i write 'la confiture!' (the jam!) on a french classroom chalkboard and then scurry away unnoticed.

that is all.

really?

discovery of the day:

when i don't know what to say in a conversation, i ask the person if they were aware that dinosaurs had feathers.


this is lame.

sprung.

it is spring.
i know this to be true because of the following things:

- i am hot in the sun and cold in the shade
- my bicycle now is my primary mode of transportation (sorry feet!)
- i played tennis
- my hair doesn't take an entire day to dry after a shower
- the mom jeans campus have slowly but surely become the mom shorts of campus

books.

whenever i don't have quite enough time to go back to my dorm from class and it's too early to go to the next one, i can most likely be found sitting in the bookstore reading one magazine or another. usually it's pretty much just me and angelina, and boobs, and brad, and shoes, and dresses. we chat, i point at them and laugh. and then despise myself a little for reading dumb magazines. then i get over it and read ny magazine.

but today, i listened.

1. two girls loitering in the ralph lauren polo section of the bookstore (?)
girl 1: we aren't even preppy, what the hell?
girl 2: yeah, right?
girl 1: they should have, like, an american apparel section

2. three girls looking at one of twelve magazines claiming that jennifer aniston is pregnant
girl 1: oh my god. is this real?
girl 2: that would be so exciting!
girl 3: i mean, it would have to be in vitro, right?
girl 1: yeah, obviously.
girl 2: there are no pictures.
girl 1: false alarm i guess
girl 3: hey look! justin beiber! that cute little kid.

bon anniver-hair.

happy birthday fellow matriarch.
it is your birthday.
yay.
(to be recited with little to no emotion, but that is not to say with no sincerity)

eyelid fatigue.

this is me not doing any work.

stenchologist.

there is something odd going on here.
when i get up at 8:30 to get coffee and then to have my inner brain bits thoroughly confused at a 9:00 linear algebra class, there is a disturbingly putrid smell near my dorm.
it is a combination of all things atrocious, i will not name them, for the thought causes me discomfort in all of my corporeal bits.
anyway, i bike past/through the stench, look around horrified (trying not to run into trees) eventually pass it by, and attempt to cleanse my sizzled nostrils by smelling my self to make sure its not me.
sweaty me smells like fresh baked bread by comparison.


but then, on my way back to the dorm at around 10:30, the smell is gone.
are they using some sort of new demonic mulch?
am i crazy?
what is happening to my nose!?
ew.

pink.

it is parents weekend here at some liberal arts school.
there are more parents than students.
they get really excited in the dining hall:
"amazing! they can make you an omelet!!!"
"grapefruit! wow!"
"look at those vegetables! they're so green!"

also, they walk around outside, meandering until they bump into their child.
in doing so, they wander by my window.
in doing so, they look in my window.
in doing so, they see me changing.
"hey someone's parents! yeah, this is my new bra, pretty awkward right? that you're seeing me change?"

then they sort of scurry away with wide eyes, probably remembering their own college days and wondering where i got such a sweet pink bra.
sometimes i live in a fishbowl.
other times i live in a wooden box.

snooze.

today i slept through a college class for the first time...ever.
linear algebra.
i am disturbed by this for two reasons:
1. i never miss classes, i'm annoying like that, does this mean i'm becoming a slacker?
2. why can't i just skip a class without freaking out and assigning said skippery apocalyptic consequences?

blorg.

janie.

there were two boys in my jane austen class today drinking spiked yellow gatorades.
apparently english major ≠ subtle.
they kept sniffing it and making blech faces when they drank it.
i guess it could just as easily been pee.
hmm.

then our professor explained that women in jane's era would wear thin muslin gowns and dampen them so as to create a "wet t-shirt effect" and then they would usually "get colds and die".
i guess being a sassy ho' was more difficult back then.

bisckle biiisickle (to be sung melodiously).

things i can successfully do on a bike in order of their difficulty (easiest to hardest):
-get places
-carry a purse
-talk on the phone
-eat a bagel
-eat a bagel while talking on the phone
-carry coffee
-carry coffee while talking on the phone
-throw stuff in a trashcan
-text

things i cannot do successfully on a bike:
-not look ridiculous
-not trip trying to get off


should i take bike riding pass/fail?

rain rain.

i think of very odd things in the shower.
today was a day of strange comparisons.
i came to the conclusion that my hair is significantly longer than the average sized newborn baby. that is, a not abnormally long baby (eww).
and then i found that i had to define 'significantly'. because a baby is probably 0.0005 furlongs and my hair is probably around 0.0009 furlongs. so relatively speaking, that's not a big difference when compared to something like a line of twelve elephants holding onto each others tail with their trunks.
so, basically my showers have turned into a college level course.
semantics are involved.

burn.

passover has ended.
my mouth is pulpy and burnt from rapid pizza consumption.
i am happy.
i am full.
i will eat 3 bagels tomorrow with little to no regret.

tomorrow tomorrow i'll eat pizza tomorrow.

what's the saddest thing i've had to eat because it's passover you ask?
well, pretty sure it was a hamburger salad.
a burger. on a salad.
while everyone around me was fondling their soft egg-washed brioche buns, i was poking around arugula like the annoying girls that always gets a salad. even at a burger joint.



it was actually pretty tasty. once i put a lot of mayo on it.
so it was basically a burger/mayo salad.


mayo=savior.

ouchie.

i think i'm being punished for having a little too much fun this weekend.

time to be a wah-wah.
my ailments include but are not limited to:
-sore lungs
-sore throat
-an unpleasant cough
-very very very sunburnt knee-pits
-a incredibly sore and immobile neck
-an owie foot
-a sleepy
-another sleepy

it's cool. totally worth it.

camp.

how can i possibly explain this epic weekend?
perhaps in text messages that i sent:
-on the train!
-here!
-i just witnessed hazing with 5 people vomiting at once.
-max's hard lemonade: a tall drink
-sorry talk. he he?
-they sell cigars at the bookstore here.
-i'm in connecticut
-no homework!
-i'm about to drink this enhanced smoothie. at 3.
-this is the spring break i would never have.
-watching dude-ly lacrosse
-interesting... they smack each other a lot
-i have sunburnt inner knees. owie.
-i'm an elf.
-yo. i'm dancing
-dude: "why are you all up in my face?", girl: "to suck a dick!"
-yo, i'ma go to a fraternal. i'm hype
-i'm a dance real lots

yup.

saran rap.

it's april fools day and warm. so people are plastic wrapping their toilet seats so they can stay fresh and sweet and won't go bad and grow mold, they can carry them with them anywhere with that glad seal with no worries.

or just so people get pee on themselves.

warm school.

at east coast liberal arts school:

cold = dark clothes, excessive cigarette consumption, indoor hookah smoking during homework, generally squinty eyes when passing other students

warm= boobs, jumpers, breasts, bikinis, outdoor hookah smoking, guys in cut off tank tops, generally squinty eyes when passing other students

please.

can someone please explain these pants to me? i'm utterly befuddled. i understand the print. i (sort of) understand the harem pant thing. it's like a giant diaper. but i guess some people like it. but the two combined? with heels? maybe something just isn't computing in my fashion neurons, maybe they are incapable of reaching such a lofty level of calculation. please help.