the curiosities of morse code

beach time.

2010-08-22T10:02:00.001-07:00

at the at the at the beach.
there is beach.
there is sand.
there is beach.

peaches. muscadine jam. apple cider jam. blackberry jam. biscuits. lazy.
sleepytime. bathing suit.
at the beach beach.

i like.

2010-08-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

things i like:
-seeing old men hug on the street
-convincing myself that i am eating healthily by eating two snack bars, a banana, and a small chocolate covered pretzel instead of a philadelphia soft yum pretzel
-new flip flops
-trying on those weird individual toe compartment running shoes at a store and not buying them

any announcements?

2010-08-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

in fourth grade, at my private all-girls school, the teacher would often ask if there were any announcements before our hour and a half long recess began.
usually we were all out the door before he finished his sentence (oh to see that rare bird called recess but once more).
in the depths of december, there was an announcement.
one of my lady classmates (for it was not until the next year that boys were discovered, hiding under rocks and between the toes of trees) raised her hand to remind us to each please remember to bring in chapstick, for she and others were rendered quite uncomfortable (eww) by the sight of their peers' red chapped lips.

we scattered for recess all the same, but for me with lips tightly curled between a gapped-tooth frown.

pride and potatoes.

2010-08-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

i've watched the newest pride and prejudice with kiera knightley now 6 times in a matter of months.
something is wrong.
it's not really even that good of an adaptation, or movie for that matter.
it's like eating jane austen cheese curls.
i know it's bad. but i can't stop.

spin you round round.

2010-08-16T10:54:00.000-07:00

to make up for my sad lack of a paying internship due to my status as a sad-liberal-arts-double-majoring-college-student, i am making what little money i can at the end of the summer recording peoples' lps into mp3s.
if i'm lucky, i may make more than $3... or at slow my bank account from its unfortunate hemorrhaging of funds to my culinary addictions.

oh for shame strawberries! why to for art thou yet expensive?

yet, with the transferring of records to a computer comes the tragic death of yet another vinyl pancake.
perhaps if they are bound for a melting pot of tar, i can rescue some of the poor burnt outcasts.
for so i've heard one must have a taste for vinyl.

space case.

2010-08-16T10:49:00.001-07:00

the hipster party sequel has come and gone.
space party: alien nation.
great success and great drunk.
space babies born by space princesses and aliens, space oddities attacking space tourist bearing vehicles with their space guns, planets careening into other galaxies.

i make damn good jupiter juice, if i may say so myself.

eaters.

2010-08-08T11:19:00.000-07:00

things and people i love:
-when people throw chicken bones out the window while they're driving. there is something so decadent about eating fried chicken or buffalo wings while careening down a highway.
-those who patronize wawa right after church, stocking up on hard-boiled egg two packs and extra large blue slushies.

things i don't like:
-coming across the aforementioned chicken bones while walking.
-watching those in their sunday best besplatter their crisp white pants or embroidered blue dresses with hoagie drippings and rogue splurts of melted blue.

done.

2010-08-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

i'm done work.
i survived the murderers, prison tapes, prisons, creeps, police, and the intern party.
all in all, i'd say success.

i had a dream...

2010-08-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

about a post. but i can't remember it.
apologies.

too much poorple.

2010-07-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

i think that the scoop employees at the ice cream shop on walnut street have been drinking too much of that slow purple drink.

they suck.
it's not hard guys: hand, scoop, ice cream. done. that's it.

morning.

2010-07-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

i want to make my own granola.
that was one of my few goals for the summer.
i would make my own granola. oats, honey, bran, maybe some nuts, dried fruit, chocolate if i'm feeling adventurous.
but our oven is broken.
so instead i'll drink my coffee.

maybe i'll make some chocolate ice cream instead.

punk rock.

2010-07-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

the only time i encounter the punks is at the punk rock flea market.
it's hot and they wear their summer leather jackets with six inch shoulder spikes.
their mohawks graze the ceiling tiles.

i bought some sweet old shit.
and some art.
and drank a bit too much wine.
all in all a success.

baltangmore.

2010-07-24T14:21:00.001-07:00

so while visiting a certain friend in a certain city, i found myself left to my own devices in a large urban area for about 6 hours.
i could have seen museums or walked to take in the sites.
but, as you may have anticipated, i instead sunbathed on the rooftop pool and only ventured out of the apartment for coffee and ice cream.

on the way back from my brief foray into unknown urbandom, i was walking on a rare patch of grass, licking an ice cream cone, when a cop car pulls up next to me.
needless to say, i am terrified of cops.
so the cop pulls over, sticks his head out the car window, looks at me, pulls his head back into the car, and drives away.

apparently, i was the most threatening person in the city of baltimore at that moment.

traveleuse.

2010-07-24T14:17:00.003-07:00

i traveled the globe in a mere 20 days.
or the united states in a mere 2 weeks.
or perhaps just traversed the mid-atlantic for two weekends between work.

nonetheless, i am two cities the wiser than i was when we last talked.
i am well versed in pittsburghese as yins may now know, as well as in the mating habits of polar bears (thanks pittsburgh zoo!)
baltimore you say? well, 'tis a place of many roof-top pools and sketchy sidewalks, but also of besties and tasty chocolate shops.

and so i relax in philadelphia, my lovely.

suave.

2010-07-15T16:14:00.000-07:00

the guy who walks down the street with a cigar and a toothpick in is mouth.

sexyville.

2010-06-25T09:51:00.000-07:00

sometimes at work, i call witnesses. oft' times the phone numbers that people give are just wrong. either disconnected, or the wrong number, or non-existent or doughnut shops or chimney sweeps.
i spend a lot of time diligently excavating files and coaxing online databases for correct phone numbers.
yesterday i punched in a number to start call number 37 of the hour. i heard a ring. and then i heard something else. porn music. (bom chicka bom boaw). and then a sultry voice: "welcome to philadelphia's sexiest hotline. you are now entering sexyvillle...."
that's when i shrieked and hung up.
i blush a lot according to the paralegal in my office.

sad.

2010-06-25T09:48:00.000-07:00

things that depress me:
-signs advertising for free jewish genetic disease testing
-headaches
-getting full before i want to be full

honk.

2010-06-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

i honked my old volvo station wagon more times today than i have in my life.
i don't understand. green means go, right?

inke.

2010-06-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

every once in a very long while i get these overwhelming cravings for a tattoo.
it starts as a dull throb and rises to an ache and then becomes frantic when i find that one that i want. but it leaves as quickly as it came once i really think of the horrible ranks of the badly tattooed. i take a deep breath, apply a temporary dinosaur tattoo, and obsess over dinner instead.

lunch.

2010-06-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

baguette, st. andre triple cream cheese, steaz mint tea, chocolate chip cookie.

bestfast.

2010-06-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

breakfast yum:
-passion fruit and pomegranate icelandic skyr yogurt
-my signature instant coffee concoction
-2 hefty spoonfuls of folgers instant coffee, 1 normal sized spoonful of unsweetened cocoa powder, 1 normal sized spoonful of sugar, hot water, milk, stir until yum

it's official.

2010-06-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

i've run out of adult working clothes and worn the tips off of my 'smart black pumps'.
maturity is overrated and expensive.
i better buy some slacks and a pencil skirt.

boo.

training embarrassment.

2010-06-18T20:04:00.000-07:00

when i sit on the train, i try not to stare.
it's rude and usually ends with me getting yelled at in spanish.
so i bring distractions. a book. an ipod. a cookie.
when i'm sitting under those nefarious lights in the three person seat, i slide over to let business men and hobos and business women and other forms of riff raff sit next to me.
recently i've been reading that book 'prep'. half a decade behind schedule, i know. but it was 50 cents at a book sale and written by a grad of my collegiate college.
i fold the cover to avoid being judged and end up seated next to a be-suited man reading 'eat, pray, love'.
we both fold the covers to our books. we both see the other's cover peeking out from the pages. we are both embarrassed to read the books we read.

but. there is a guy a few seats down reading 'act like a lady, think like a man'.
so it's all good.

squirt.

2010-06-15T18:13:00.000-07:00

things that are funny:
-when the paralegal locks herself in the supply closet to use her breast pump
-when the annoying intern tries really hard to open a locked supply closet door

les robes.

2010-06-14T14:27:00.000-07:00

want want want now please.

did you know?

2010-06-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

i went to my local library a few days ago. they have come a long way since my years lost in the children's section, chewing on the corners of books about flying elephants and anthropomorphized apple pies. in days of yore, their book selection was most certainly championed above all other forms. the video section consisted almost entirely of barney tapes, several copies of all of the original star wars, and every jane austen adaptation ever made. cds and tapes? james taylor and frank sinatra (no complaints there, but perhaps a lack of diversity?). said collection was fine predating my teens.
but, they have come up in the ranks! new movies, new music... good music.
however, the best discovery was that you can take out up to 100 cds at a time (difficult with a 200 cd collection) and they load onto itunes!
this maybe be cheating the system a wee bit, but if they haven't prevented it yet, i will take advantage.
so, i welcome to my musical library some new talking heads, raconteurs, and the fratellis.
and as you know, i'm prone to bopping along to new music, so the bopping has commenced.

boom crack.

2010-06-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

the only being more afraid of thunderstorms than me: my dog.

he just tried to climb into the fireplace out of fear.

uluck.

2010-06-13T08:08:00.001-07:00

could there possibly be anything more hilarious in its hipster-osity than a handmade leather u-lock holster from etsy that you can wear on your handcut roadkill armadillo belt which is holding up your acid wash cut-offs while riding around on your neon fixie?
no. the answer is definitely no. absolutely awesome. but no.

job.

2010-06-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

this week at summer internship of the collegiate variety take 2 i worked.
a lot.
work worky work work.

now i just need a real job that pays real money, as opposed to sheets of resume paper.
i would even take grocery store coupons at this point.

maybe i can walk someone's pet turtle.

heartburn.

2010-06-12T14:43:00.000-07:00

possible causes:
-a delicious soft pretzel with homemade grainy honey mustard
-a scrumptious turkey bacon blt with avocado
-watching bad tv

rank rank goes the cow bell.

2010-06-05T18:35:00.001-07:00

things that smell good:
-fresh mint ice cream
-my hair

things that smell bad:
-bags of dehydrated cow manure
-bags of hydrated cow manure

criminal tats.

2010-06-04T14:55:00.000-07:00

best tattoos at the criminal justice center:
- a unicorn covering the bearer's entire foot
- a full black and white portrait of michael jackson on a man's calf, the top says "i'm bad" and the bottom reads "remember michael"

career success.

2010-06-02T16:43:00.000-07:00

i like when people list their employment as : security officer/beautician.

the snort.

2010-06-02T16:36:00.000-07:00

i always miss philadelphia when i'm forced to abandon her for another and far inferior p-town. i miss how tall the buildings are and people watching and the food and the atrocious accents and the heat from the sidewalks and the water ice.
however, i must admit that there is one aspect of this dear city that i can never love. that putrid sour stench that leaks from the stagnant piss puddles between sidewalks. it wrestles my nose and even manages to smell when i breathe through my mouth. it is some sort of mutant hot lemon oil flecked with all that reeks.
so, from now on, i will pace the city with bells on my fingers and plugs in my nose.

pick one.

2010-05-31T20:35:00.000-07:00

things i don't like:
-people who drive in the middle of a two lane highway and swerve every time you try to pass them
-when those people drive yellow bugs
-people who drive through stop signs

four wheeler.

2010-05-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

might anyone be willing to give me a few lessons in grocery cart etiquette? i seem to need it.

tan.

2010-05-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

i'm never even a little bit tan until the end of august. unfortunately.
so! i've discovered that, unlike when i was 7, i am now allowed onto our roof!
this means nude sunbathing.
i'm sort of a weenie though, so it'll probably start with me fully clothed and maybe eventually become rated pg-13. we'll see.
i'll let you know.

clink.

2010-05-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

things i like:
-houses with metal trashcans
-showers
-porch awnings

newspapers.

2010-05-23T08:21:00.000-07:00

is it just me, or is it a little... unorthodox to receive three packets of miracle whip attached to your newspaper on sunday morning?
i know it's not like there is some rogue condiment man running around hot gluing poor mayonnaise substitutes to the arts section. this is obviously a advertising endeavor by the whip-meisters.
but honestly, i have a lot of trouble getting myself to eat something attached to my newspaper that has been sitting outside since 3 am...

also, the problem with not having my own paper subscription while i'm at home is that i can't ravage the pages for pictures. usually, i run like a rabbit through the pages to find pictures and nibble them out to stick on my white white walls. i almost cut one out today only to realize that my parents most likely enjoy reading the paper without gaping holes in between articles.

honestly, it's not like i really need any more pictures. my poor single next year is going to be plastered to death with all of my wall decorations. i'll probably end up upholstering my mattress with posters and newspaper detritus.
maybe i can offer to decorate the hall's bathroom if i run out of space.

make oop.

2010-05-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

the first time i put on real make-up (other than that sparkly goop i used to slush all over my lips) was on the morning of my bat mitzvah. i fancied myself super chic, done up in a sky blue suit with a weenie manicure on my stubbly nails. my mom offered to spruce up my 12 year-old face with a little mascara and pink lip gloss.
since i've actually looked exactly the same since 6th grade (i hit puberty and was done), it makes sense that i still do make-up pretty much the same as my bat mitzvah morning.
short and sweet. a little mascara. that's it. maybe i'll try and stab myself with some eyeliner if i'm feeling adventurous.
recently, on a date with my fellow, i decided to brave eyeshadow (gasp!).
i had to look up how to put it on.
sad. i know.
recently i got an email about the dress code at my crazy adult internship and realized that i'll have to look like a normal not-6th grader at work.
i'ma have to wear more make up. shit.

short.

2010-05-20T07:25:00.000-07:00

things i did yesterday:
-painted my short stubby unsightly nails dark purple dark
-scratched my chin
-tackled the dog
-bought dish soap
-watched housewives from all over the country
-nothing
-ate

plan today:
-buy adult clothes for my adult work internship jobby thing
-hang out with my vermontian doppelganger
-probably blow my clothes budget on soft pretzels and honey mustard dipping sauce
-drive and blast not very blasty music out the windows
-watch top chef masters

did you know?

2010-05-19T12:05:00.001-07:00

i'm home.
yup.
watching dumb mtv shows on the couch with my dog and computer and eating the tasties out of the fridge.
yum.
i ate linear algebra.
i punched italian.
i zombie bit jane austen.
i elbowed one religion and eye-jabbed the other.

done.

so close.

2010-05-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

i can almost taste freedom.
escape from dorm life.
i can wash the college sludge out from between my toes and fingers.
and be squeaky clean to return in the fall.

but first
i have to take my linear algebra final.
i will eat those numbers and digest correct answers.
i will create vector spaces of exactness.
i will win math.

see you on the other side.

customer care.

2010-05-11T10:09:00.000-07:00

have you ever eaten at a prêt a manger?
if not, you are not yet complete.
my apologies, but there is a sandwich sized hole in your french fry filled stomach.
until recently, this divinely ordained chain only served its love-salad sandwiches and blood orange juice smoothies to the unappreciative and dentally impaired masses of britain.
recently, they have opened in nyc and chicago.
why? why do they deserve this blessing to their urban streets while philadelphia remains wanting?

so, in my usual attempt to procrastinate productively, i found the "contact us" button on their website and appealed to them to open a store in the fairest of cities. then i felt better and went on to do work, thinking that the end.

but someone wrote back!
a personal email, explaining that while she wasn't in charge of choosing locations, she would be happy to send my suggestion to those who are.
even if she was talking out of her armpit, it still made my ginger-ale infused brain momentarily happy in this sea of academic unpleasantries.

thanks lady.

blargh.

2010-05-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

this is me still not writing my paper.

periodicals.

2010-05-10T16:46:00.000-07:00

today i spent upwards of 5 hours in the periodical section of the library.
tables are few and far between during study week.
i plonked my stuff right next to the communist and socialist periodicals subsection.
they were all bound in red covers... curious.

here are some inventive new periodicals!
canadian dentures (for the canadian dental enthusiast)
hebrew mathematics (math, in hebrew!)
sheep breath (every quarter with new ovine halitosis prevention tactics)

i should write my paper.

the subtleties of being subtle.

2010-05-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

i've noticed that the lad hipsters of my domesticity overuse the word "subtly"
some examples:
"this apple is subtly delicious"
"that tree is subtly the funniest thing ever"
"this pbr is subtly hilarious"

what does that mean!?
is the apple only delicious once you've gotten past it's rotten apple exterior?
is the tree funny after you've chopped it down and licked the bark?
how can beer be hilarious? let alone subtly hilarious?

i'm going to start a new word trend:
"this coat is overtly warm"
"your nose is overtly broken"
"this ice cream is overtly tasty"

cookie cutter.

2010-05-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

reasons i am officially an annoying college student:
- i can seamlessly integrate the phrases hetero-normative, paradigm shift, truth claim, and post-enlightenment mentality into a sentence
- i am writing a paper on nietzsche
- i am writing a paper on nietzsche because i actually enjoyed reading nietzsche
- i got into a yelling match with my neighbor about the essence of truth
- there is no rhyme or reason to by showering schedule (9 am? 2 am?)
- i walk to get pizza at 1:30 am on a friday night
- i bike everywhere
- i am indisputably addicted to coffee

fore.

2010-05-07T15:34:00.000-07:00

there is a group of co-eds outside of my dorm playing croquet.
yes.
croquet.
i find this amazing for several reasons:
-someone had to bring an entire croquet set to college
-someone had to acquire said set
-they are clad in preppy stripes
-those preppy stripes are in the form of loose t-shirts with arm-holes so low that i know the exact make of their bra
-mom jean shorts
-it's fucking croquet
-they're not drinking martinis, but rather pbrs, of course

pucker up.

2010-05-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

why do people put on lipstick in the dining hall right before they bite into a greasy cheesy lump of pierogie?

seems a little silly.

why does anyone even bring lipstick to the dining hall in the first place?

cronch.

2010-05-07T08:00:00.001-07:00

this is me not writing a paper.

why.

2010-05-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

unfortunate turn of events.
my major department decided that today would be the day for a picnic.
i had hebrew school.
i was hungry.
so i sped back from hebrew school as fast as i could only to discover that there was no more food.
then, the second i started talking to the head of the department, something flew in my eye.
i looked like i was crying.
the professor said i could take the rest of the wine home if it would help.
that was awkward.
i ate dinner at the dining hall, wandering around trying to find food like a crazy one-eye crying person.

i just got a smoothie, so everything's a little better.

slow.

2010-05-05T20:12:00.000-07:00

i spent all of today 'studying' under a giant tree. it was giant. and shady.

yeah and basically i didn't really get any work done.

but. i did get to watch the outfits bike by on their fixed gear cycles.
there was a plethora of mom jeans that start right below the ass cheeks and end several inches above the belly button paired with bikini tops.
something like this.

yeah, can't wait til that fad fades again. they're pretty atrocious and unflattering even on the skinniest-hand-rolled-cigarette-smoking-eats-organic-kale-and-that's-it hipster girl

suprising.

2010-05-04T19:13:00.000-07:00

when you storm up the stairs to tell the freshmen on the second floor that their music is so loud that across the building on the first floor it sounds like john lennon himself is screaming in your ear, you expect snot-nosed little twits to be rude and snide and eventually turn it down after you give them that death stare of yours.

it's rather nice when instead, they apologize, introduce themselves, and proceed to ask you how you are and offer you a drink.

hmm.

perhaps the freshmen have almost mutated into sophomores?
i guess there is always a fresh batch on the way.

addendum.

2010-05-04T16:42:00.000-07:00

remember when i provided you with that all-important list of things i can and cannot do while riding a bike?

of course you do.

well, i have some additions.

can ride my bike while:
-carrying a purple basil plant that i named rubin
-taking blurry photographs

cannot ride my bike while:
-reading
-putting my hair in a ponytail

i know you were interested in the updates, so i told you.

also, aside from the purple basil (that i purchased... shh!), i am also growing basil from seeds (omg!). there are 6 whole sprouty things! they're green and not brown and not moldy and green and some day will be edible (hopefully).
also also, i tried growing strawberries. sad fail. they were all of the things that my basil was not.

apparently you can't water plants with seltzer...
also, yelling at plants does not make them grow.

(p.s. the avocado's name is bernard, just fyi.)

ovah.

2010-05-04T16:40:00.001-07:00

classes.
they are done.
were you aware?
i wasn't.

i can smell you summer.

i know you're soon.

zombies.

2010-05-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

things that are not conducive to my already pretty lackluster motivation to study:
-it's so hot outside and inside and between my toes and why did i let my hair grow this long it feels like i live in a sauna
-the terrible recorder practicing coming from next door (the recorder should not continue as a viable instrument past the age of 12!)
-the honking train in the distance
-the worthless useless don't really do anything fans
-my headache
-the fact that i have to write a paper about zombies
-i want school to be done know, please, please, please
-my fellow has left :(

luckily, i don't have any work due tomorrow, so don't feel to bad for me.

bershday.

2010-05-02T18:22:00.000-07:00

it were my berthday.
i ate so much.
and as i am a lover of food and you a knower of that, i will share with you my birthday menu ( i didn't eat all of everything, just fyi):

-starbucks mocha energy drink (surprisingly not terrible)
-duck and foie gras sausage with caramelized onions and apple purée
-soup trio: french onion, squash, and mushroom
-shaved fennel salad with red onions, roasted beets, and orange segments
-leg of lamb with fingerling potatoes
-cherry compote ice cream
-chocolate-caramel-banana mousse
-chocolate cupcake
-chocolate cherry latte
-salad with balsamic vinaigrette
-panko chicken fingers with honey mustard (i turned 4!)
-friendly's oreo ice cream cake

ridiculous.
delicious.
nom.

hmm.

2010-04-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

for one of my classes i am supposed to have meditated 3 times this week while hold/caressing an object of importance to me.

i have not done this.
not once.

i am very much not into meditation. or sitting still. or not speaking.
maybe it's the 8+ years of weekly meeting for worship.

the worst part is i have to write a paper outlining my meditating experience. what did i learn about myself?

nothing. i learned nothing. i learned that i'm hungry.

this is going to be a crap paper.

elbows.

2010-04-28T15:23:00.000-07:00

nothing warms the knuckles and knees like seeing a professor walk by in a tweed jacket with elbow patches and absolutely no irony and nearly bump into a student wearing practically the same jacket and same elbows, but with more irony then he knows what to do with. now if i can just watch in front of me while i ride my bike.

also.
why is it so cold!?

arkward.

2010-04-24T16:21:00.000-07:00

today i woke up at 11 and then took a nap at 1:30.
today i rode a bike in a dress past a bunch of mothers and children and got weird looks.
today i bought something for 98 cents with a 10 dollar bill.
yesterday i did a little jig when someone told me they voted for me to be on the food committee at school.
yesterday a soap dispenser fell on my head me soap dispensing.

i have to write a paper about the book pride & prejudice & zombies.

bad.

2010-04-21T20:13:00.000-07:00

i did really not so well on a math exam today.
unfortunate, i know.
"why did you take math?" *said in a snotty voice*
i don't know, okay?
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
besides, whenever i register for a class that sounds remotely fun, my dad makes a loaded comment "you want to take a film class? isn't that a little... light?" which is really to say "i'm paying for what?"

well, needless to say (due to my status as a full-fledged weenie) i cried immediately after leaving the exam.
and, again needless to say, there was a tour waiting outside for me and my patheticosity.

i ran hid a tree.
that is all. i'm over it now.

today.

2010-04-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

vandals.

2010-04-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

when most people "graffiti" they actually deface something.

when i "graffiti", i write 'la confiture!' (the jam!) on a french classroom chalkboard and then scurry away unnoticed.

that is all.

really?

2010-04-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

discovery of the day:

when i don't know what to say in a conversation, i ask the person if they were aware that dinosaurs had feathers.

this is lame.

sprung.

2010-04-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

it is spring.
i know this to be true because of the following things:

- i am hot in the sun and cold in the shade
- my bicycle now is my primary mode of transportation (sorry feet!)
- i played tennis
- my hair doesn't take an entire day to dry after a shower
- the mom jeans campus have slowly but surely become the mom shorts of campus

books.

2010-04-13T17:19:00.001-07:00

whenever i don't have quite enough time to go back to my dorm from class and it's too early to go to the next one, i can most likely be found sitting in the bookstore reading one magazine or another. usually it's pretty much just me and angelina, and boobs, and brad, and shoes, and dresses. we chat, i point at them and laugh. and then despise myself a little for reading dumb magazines. then i get over it and read ny magazine.

but today, i listened.

1. two girls loitering in the ralph lauren polo section of the bookstore (?)
girl 1: we aren't even preppy, what the hell?
girl 2: yeah, right?
girl 1: they should have, like, an american apparel section

2. three girls looking at one of twelve magazines claiming that jennifer aniston is pregnant
girl 1: oh my god. is this real?
girl 2: that would be so exciting!
girl 3: i mean, it would have to be in vitro, right?
girl 1: yeah, obviously.
girl 2: there are no pictures.
girl 1: false alarm i guess
girl 3: hey look! justin beiber! that cute little kid.

bon anniver-hair.

2010-04-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

happy birthday fellow matriarch.
it is your birthday.
yay.
(to be recited with little to no emotion, but that is not to say with no sincerity)

eyelid fatigue.

2010-04-12T07:44:00.000-07:00

this is me not doing any work.

stenchologist.

2010-04-12T07:39:00.000-07:00

there is something odd going on here.
when i get up at 8:30 to get coffee and then to have my inner brain bits thoroughly confused at a 9:00 linear algebra class, there is a disturbingly putrid smell near my dorm.
it is a combination of all things atrocious, i will not name them, for the thought causes me discomfort in all of my corporeal bits.
anyway, i bike past/through the stench, look around horrified (trying not to run into trees) eventually pass it by, and attempt to cleanse my sizzled nostrils by smelling my self to make sure its not me.
sweaty me smells like fresh baked bread by comparison.

but then, on my way back to the dorm at around 10:30, the smell is gone.
are they using some sort of new demonic mulch?
am i crazy?
what is happening to my nose!?
ew.

pink.

2010-04-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

it is parents weekend here at some liberal arts school.
there are more parents than students.
they get really excited in the dining hall:
"amazing! they can make you an omelet!!!"
"grapefruit! wow!"
"look at those vegetables! they're so green!"

also, they walk around outside, meandering until they bump into their child.
in doing so, they wander by my window.
in doing so, they look in my window.
in doing so, they see me changing.
"hey someone's parents! yeah, this is my new bra, pretty awkward right? that you're seeing me change?"

then they sort of scurry away with wide eyes, probably remembering their own college days and wondering where i got such a sweet pink bra.
sometimes i live in a fishbowl.
other times i live in a wooden box.

snooze.

2010-04-09T12:03:00.001-07:00

today i slept through a college class for the first time...ever.
linear algebra.
i am disturbed by this for two reasons:
1. i never miss classes, i'm annoying like that, does this mean i'm becoming a slacker?
2. why can't i just skip a class without freaking out and assigning said skippery apocalyptic consequences?

blorg.

janie.

2010-04-08T18:04:00.000-07:00

there were two boys in my jane austen class today drinking spiked yellow gatorades.
apparently english major ≠ subtle.
they kept sniffing it and making blech faces when they drank it.
i guess it could just as easily been pee.
hmm.

then our professor explained that women in jane's era would wear thin muslin gowns and dampen them so as to create a "wet t-shirt effect" and then they would usually "get colds and die".
i guess being a sassy ho' was more difficult back then.

bisckle biiisickle (to be sung melodiously).

2010-04-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

things i can successfully do on a bike in order of their difficulty (easiest to hardest):
-get places
-carry a purse
-talk on the phone
-eat a bagel
-eat a bagel while talking on the phone
-carry coffee
-carry coffee while talking on the phone
-throw stuff in a trashcan
-text

things i cannot do successfully on a bike:
-not look ridiculous
-not trip trying to get off

should i take bike riding pass/fail?

rain rain.

2010-04-06T19:32:00.001-07:00

i think of very odd things in the shower.
today was a day of strange comparisons.
i came to the conclusion that my hair is significantly longer than the average sized newborn baby. that is, a not abnormally long baby (eww).
and then i found that i had to define 'significantly'. because a baby is probably 0.0005 furlongs and my hair is probably around 0.0009 furlongs. so relatively speaking, that's not a big difference when compared to something like a line of twelve elephants holding onto each others tail with their trunks.
so, basically my showers have turned into a college level course.
semantics are involved.

burn.

2010-04-06T19:25:00.000-07:00

passover has ended.
my mouth is pulpy and burnt from rapid pizza consumption.
i am happy.
i am full.
i will eat 3 bagels tomorrow with little to no regret.

tomorrow tomorrow i'll eat pizza tomorrow.

2010-04-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

what's the saddest thing i've had to eat because it's passover you ask?
well, pretty sure it was a hamburger salad.
a burger. on a salad.
while everyone around me was fondling their soft egg-washed brioche buns, i was poking around arugula like the annoying girls that always gets a salad. even at a burger joint.

it was actually pretty tasty. once i put a lot of mayo on it.
so it was basically a burger/mayo salad.

mayo=savior.

ouchie.

2010-04-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

i think i'm being punished for having a little too much fun this weekend.

time to be a wah-wah.
my ailments include but are not limited to:
-sore lungs
-sore throat
-an unpleasant cough
-very very very sunburnt knee-pits
-a incredibly sore and immobile neck
-an owie foot
-a sleepy
-another sleepy

it's cool. totally worth it.

camp.

2010-04-04T18:17:00.000-07:00

how can i possibly explain this epic weekend?
perhaps in text messages that i sent:
-on the train!
-here!
-i just witnessed hazing with 5 people vomiting at once.
-max's hard lemonade: a tall drink
-sorry talk. he he?
-they sell cigars at the bookstore here.
-i'm in connecticut
-no homework!
-i'm about to drink this enhanced smoothie. at 3.
-this is the spring break i would never have.
-watching dude-ly lacrosse
-interesting... they smack each other a lot
-i have sunburnt inner knees. owie.
-i'm an elf.
-yo. i'm dancing
-dude: "why are you all up in my face?", girl: "to suck a dick!"
-yo, i'ma go to a fraternal. i'm hype
-i'm a dance real lots

yup.

saran rap.

2010-04-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

it's april fools day and warm. so people are plastic wrapping their toilet seats so they can stay fresh and sweet and won't go bad and grow mold, they can carry them with them anywhere with that glad seal with no worries.

or just so people get pee on themselves.

warm school.

2010-04-01T14:01:00.000-07:00

at east coast liberal arts school:

cold = dark clothes, excessive cigarette consumption, indoor hookah smoking during homework, generally squinty eyes when passing other students

warm= boobs, jumpers, breasts, bikinis, outdoor hookah smoking, guys in cut off tank tops, generally squinty eyes when passing other students

please.

2010-04-01T09:52:00.000-07:00

can someone please explain these pants to me? i'm utterly befuddled. i understand the print. i (sort of) understand the harem pant thing. it's like a giant diaper. but i guess some people like it. but the two combined? with heels? maybe something just isn't computing in my fashion neurons, maybe they are incapable of reaching such a lofty level of calculation. please help.

systemic fail.

2010-03-31T07:30:00.001-07:00

someone is leaving passive aggressive anarchically themed notes on our whiteboard.
"fuck the system, i run my own system"
yeah well anarchist dude who messes with my carefully drawn springtime scene, i can mess up your stuff too. your political statement now reads:
"fuck the sandwich, i make my own sandwich"
i subscribe to an alternative view of lunchtime history.

but a bitch ain't one.

2010-03-31T07:23:00.000-07:00

is it bad that i spent my entire linear algebra class reciting 99 problems in my head? vector space- pedal to the floor-Rn-do you know what i'm stopping you for?-x1v1

gah.
this doesn't work.
i wish i could take jay-z pass-fail. my skills in linear algebra are approximately equivalent to the subspace of my skills at silent mental rapping. i should stick to wrapping presents and adding single digits on coffee bills.

paste over.

2010-03-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

matzah brei
matzah pizza
matzah and tuna
matzah and eggs
matzah and matzah
matzah and mold
matzah and toes
matzah and comforter stuffing
matzah and florescent lighting
matzah and elbow grease

for you.

2010-03-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

it's raining it's pouring. people give you strange looks when you walk barefoot in the rain. even here. umbrellas don't work very well in the wind. they turn into tea cups. unfortunately-large-spill-their-contents-on-your-head tea cups.

big ear.

2010-01-20T16:38:00.000-08:00

downtown.

2010-01-16T09:10:00.000-08:00

stand down on top of the bulb-buildings.

nsfw.

2010-01-16T09:08:00.000-08:00

hmm.

2009-12-26T20:22:00.000-08:00

apparently if you watch the discovery channel past 10:22 pm, it means that you are destined for an early demise and thus would be interested in a rather long commercial about the benefits of and laws regarding cremation. i just wanted to watch dirty jobs...

also, non-vassar-redhead, i just figured out the house/sherlock holmes connection. it's pretty mind blowing.

oops.

2009-12-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

i walked into a wall again today... this appears to be becoming a trend...

the unfortunates of morse crunk.

2009-12-21T19:49:00.001-08:00

it is strange to see an old lady and her son harmonizing in the trail mix aisle at whole foods.
it is disconcerting to be almost hit by a car in the parking lot of whole foods, twice.
it splendiferous to have 23.2 inches of snow outside.
it hurts when i move, my back hurts from shoveling.
it is wonderful to use a soft fluffy dog as a heater/pillow.
it is lonely to eat meatloaf by yourself. somehow meatloaf magnifies the lonely-osity.

reasons.

2009-12-18T20:18:00.001-08:00

reasons that i shouldn't be permitted to travel alone:
-when people ask me where the subway is, i 2 out of 3 times will panic and run in the opposite direction, 1 out of 3 i will shriek "i don't know" and then run in the opposite direction
-i can't seem to figure out how to get through a subway turnstile with luggage and almost always end up hopping the damn thing
-subways are not my friend. as usually happens on buses, i smack people in the face with my backpack and generally attract the crazies who inhabit these bastions of transportation efficiency
-like with turnstiles, i have difficulties with revolving doors and generally end up getting stuck after smacking my head into the glass

conclusion: anyone wanna be my permanent travel buddy?

apologies apologies.

2009-12-18T20:16:00.000-08:00

movies not to watch with your parents: basically anything with hugh grant because it seems rather likely that there will be a rather awkward sex scene, e.g. love actually and four weddings and a funeral

lull.

2009-12-07T18:33:00.000-08:00

equations:

stupendously hot heater + ass on cushy bed + boring italian verbs + lullaby-esque vocalist singing about holding eyelids open = a dizzying cocoon of warm air and sleepy...not so good for finals...

hells yeah.

2009-12-05T12:20:00.001-08:00

it's stickin bitches. thank you oh benevolent monkey gods.

bien sur.

2009-12-04T19:28:00.000-08:00

this is me not writing another paper and hoping and hoping and hoping and hoping and hoping for snow. oh snow monkey gods that reside upon some snow covered hill crest of magic, grant my wish for frozen water crystals that will finally force my strange freckled roommate to wear shoes with toes. i beseech you.

explainer.

2009-12-04T19:21:00.001-08:00

i know i've been not so good at writing recently and have already apologized and failed once. i just have no desire to post un-interesting boring details about stress in college life because to tell you the truth dear reader, my audience is essentially me scattered around campus or perhaps slightly farther to satellite campii of liberal arts school in other states. there is my fellow from ivy league school who reads when i instruct him to do so, but that's about it. and of course you, monsieur avec ton pipe.

speaking of my fellow, as i'm sure you know omniscient reader, i own far more ivy league swag than liberal arts school stuff. recently at hebrew school i was sporting one such t-shirt. a rather rambunctious little jock who i'm sure would have taunted and poked and mocked and elbowed me had i been his age asked if i went to said ivy league. i explained that no, in fact, my fellow went there. wee basketball player asked if fellow plays football. no. then what does he play? i looked at the little twerp and said, he's really smart, then i sauntered off. showed him.

beans.

2009-12-01T15:59:00.000-08:00

are wonderful. and delicious. and tasty-mundo.

overheard.

2009-12-01T15:56:00.001-08:00

"it's incumbent upon humanity" - person